Thank you all, but it's over.
Our time has run out! As I'm sure you know, our illustrious Governor is expected to name Roland Burris to the state's second Senate seat today. Mr. Blagojevich, you are indeed a man of conviction, a man to buck the odds.
Sadly, we only raised $478,000.32 for our uncampaign to buy the Senate seat. I couldn't in good conscience ask Tracy for another dime. I hit her up repeatedly for Monopoly money in increments of $25,000. Every time I asked for money, she always agreed, and I think in the end, her total contribution was close to $150,000. (Miss Tammi, your original contribution of $5.32 is still a sore spot, but thanks for coming through with some real dough.)
Even before this announcement, we were planning on bailing. Last night, the Uncandidate and I stayed up all night, discussing the merits of continuing on. We found ourselves not talking about the Senate seat or the Governor or the Monopoly money we've raised, but how Alice Starmore screwed up by letting her pattern books go out of print and how Kiernan Foley's Latvian Vest in the current issue of Knitty.com is the destiny of someone very near and dear to me.
"I'm not sure I'll have the time to be Senator," our Uncandidate told me, "I'm about to start St. Brigid , you know and that's a pretty big commitment."
"I know," I said, "I certainly can't go to Washington with you. I have too many friends, wonderful friends here to leave now. I know you wanted me to be the Mismanager of Everything, but I can't leave, I just can't! Maybe this was a foolhardy idea."
Then of course, there's the dark cloud that would hang over our Senator's head until she could be elected for real. We discussed the snickers and whispers our Uncandidate would hear all over Washington. Obviously, her virtues as a stateswoman and a knitter would overcome all doubt, but it's a pretty tainted seat.
"Nah," she finally told me, "I think knitting and editing erotic romance novels is enough for me now. It was a great uncampaign and lots of fun, but it's time to throw in the towel."
Good luck to you Mr. Burris!