Nana's Knitting Shop

Knitting tales of a lifelong knitter
and yarn shop owner.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Thank you all, but it's over.

Our time has run out! As I'm sure you know, our illustrious Governor is expected to name Roland Burris to the state's second Senate seat today. Mr. Blagojevich, you are indeed a man of conviction, a man to buck the odds.

Sadly, we only raised $478,000.32 for our uncampaign to buy the Senate seat. I couldn't in good conscience ask Tracy for another dime. I hit her up repeatedly for Monopoly money in increments of $25,000. Every time I asked for money, she always agreed, and I think in the end, her total contribution was close to $150,000. (Miss Tammi, your original contribution of $5.32 is still a sore spot, but thanks for coming through with some real dough.)

Even before this announcement, we were planning on bailing. Last night, the Uncandidate and I stayed up all night, discussing the merits of continuing on. We found ourselves not talking about the Senate seat or the Governor or the Monopoly money we've raised, but how Alice Starmore screwed up by letting her pattern books go out of print and how Kiernan Foley's Latvian Vest in the current issue of is the destiny of someone very near and dear to me.

"I'm not sure I'll have the time to be Senator," our Uncandidate told me, "I'm about to start St. Brigid , you know and that's a pretty big commitment."

"I know," I said, "I certainly can't go to Washington with you. I have too many friends, wonderful friends here to leave now. I know you wanted me to be the Mismanager of Everything, but I can't leave, I just can't! Maybe this was a foolhardy idea."

Then of course, there's the dark cloud that would hang over our Senator's head until she could be elected for real. We discussed the snickers and whispers our Uncandidate would hear all over Washington. Obviously, her virtues as a stateswoman and a knitter would overcome all doubt, but it's a pretty tainted seat.

"Nah," she finally told me, "I think knitting and editing erotic romance novels is enough for me now. It was a great uncampaign and lots of fun, but it's time to throw in the towel."

Good luck to you Mr. Burris!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Hey Alaska! Knock it Off!

So the funny money is pouring in for our Uncampaign to buy Illinois' second Senate seat when bam, the former Vice Presidential Candidate's daughter's soon to be mother inlaw is arrested on 6 felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance.

This unfortunate news once again took the national spotlight off Illinois and our embattled Governor and sent it right back to Alaska. Hey, Alaska, this unbridled rivalry for the Top Scandalous State Award has got to stop!

And, once the news hit the wires, the contributions, I mean the bribe money, to our Uncampaign coffers came to an abrupt end.

Knitters of America! Keep your eye on the prize. We're trying to buy one of our own a Senate seat! Need I remind you that our platform is Smut for Everyone! Put down your knitting and send Monopoly money in large quantities now!

As you can see, we've raised about $240,000, but we're still only about halfway to our goal. During his press conference, I was delighted when Governor Blagojevich looked directly at me and told me we still had a chance, but his demeanor was such that we won't be able to buy the Seat for a bargain basement price. He still means business, our tenacious Governor, and we can't insult him with any figure under the $500,000 I think he'd be willing to accept. Efforts to confirm this figure have gone unanswered as he is understandably staying off the phone.

"I will fight. I will fight. I will fight until I take my last breath," he said.

Was I wrong to take that as "I'm up here buying you some time, Knitters; but I'm not fooling around either. Come up with the cash fast; I can't guarantee how long I'll last and I have a really expensive lawyer to pay for."

Now as you all know, we Knitters are a kind and generous bunch who think nothing of spending hours and hours knitting for a loved one and each stitch contains a little piece of our hearts. We delight in the fact that our handiwork keeps our loved ones warm and toasty all winter - whether it be a scarf, hat, mittens, socks or a sweater, we bask in the knowledge that they're a little more comfortable and a little happier for our efforts.

However, it would be a big mistake to underestimate us. We're focused and determined and we always carry sharp, pointy sticks with us wherever we go.

So let's buy Theresa Stevens that Senate seat. She's a terrific Knitter; we know she shares our values and will work tirelessly to promote our interests. Maybe, just maybe, we could get her to appoint a committee to figure out a way to get gauge without swatching! Or how about a way to get the fabric we all so want on size 2 needles, but without all the time and stitches required to get it?

Not a Knitter? Well, there's always the frosting on the cake - Smut for Everyone. Maybe we could convince her to let her contributors be the first to buy the new releases from her publishing house, Red Sage.

Forget about Alaska, please! We have more important issues and scandals right here at home in Illinois. Really now, who cares that someone who knows someone who recently became famous was arrested for drugs. Drug arrests are so Amy Winehouse.

Hey Alaska! Cool your jets until we get this thing done. We have a deadline to meet and your scandals are a distraction we can't afford.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Knitters Unite!

Since Obama's vacated Senate seat is up for sale, I am using this Knitting Blog to shamelessly request contributions to buy said Senate seat for one of our own.

Mr. Blagojevich hasn't responded to my request for a rock bottom, fire sale, time is of the essence price, so I'm going with the $500,000 number that's been bandied around for the last several days. Beginning last week, I raised about $45,425.32. That means we only have $454,574.68 to go. (Hey, stingy knitter! I know who you are, $5.32 indeed!)

So, who is the candidate, um, appointee, um, buyer?

Well shoot, you know how dicey politics are! I can't reveal her real name. I can tell you; however, she is an attorney who specialized in Constitutional law. She worked in state government and like so many other principled attorneys; she decided to leave the law when the Bush administration made the Constitution moot.

Her career then took an interesting twist when she became the Managing Editor for one of the Nation’s premier erotic romance publishing houses. She's brilliant, has unrivaled integrity, and best of all, is one of the best knitters I know (even though she can’t leave a pattern alone).

Did you hear me?

I just said that she is the Managing Editor for an erotic romance publishing house. While I can’t refute the theory our appointee put forth that all of Illinois’ current corruption woes can be blamed on Alaska, aren’t you sick and tired of Illinois politicians trying to outdo other states' corruption scandals? Why shouldn’t we emulate Detroit, New York, Florida, and Idaho where sex is King? Smut for Everyone is our designee’s platform and best of all, the smut is fiction!

While other states’ sex scandals have wrecked relationships, tarnished careers, and traumatized children; our platform, Smut for Everyone, may actually improve relationships, sharpen career aspirations and make children more cherished. Read more erotic romance! Down with corruption! Up with Smut for Everyone!

Remember the old saying, "Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop"? As if you needed more convincing, what Knitter has idle hands? Wouldn’t it be grand if more Illini, dare I say, more Americans were Knitters?

We Knitters are determined perfectionists who are always willing to admit our mistakes. Who among Us hasn’t ripped 10 inches to correct a mistake as soon as we saw it was there? Who among Us hasn’t realized some way into a project that our illusions of grandeur were over the top and the sweater we’re knitting isn’t going to fit? We don’t backpedal, we don’t hold a press conference to defend our flawed position, no, we RIP! If you knit, you rip and if you rip, you are humble enough to try again. Isn’t being able to accurately gauge how big (or small) an issue (or value) is an attribute we want in a Senator?

I’d say now, Vote for the Knitter’s Candidate, but this is a solicitation for money to buy Illinois’ second Senate seat from Mr. Blagojevich. We’ll come up with the money, Sir, I just hope you still have the power to give it to us.

Please act fast and act generously. All denominations of Monopoly money are graciously accepted.

Oh, and so far in our solicitation, we’ve had only one pay for play request. I’m sorry, Missy, but this is a clean, squeaky clean bribe; our briber will not, I repeat, will not, work to eliminate the sales tax on chocolate!

Friday, December 12, 2008

The Magic Bag

This is my knitting bag. My dear friend Georgann made it for me and it's the best knitting bag I've ever had. And best of all, it's a magic bag. A Magic Bag of UFOs.



Sunday, December 07, 2008

Ta Da!

Several of us finished the Fireside Stocking and here they are in all their glory!

Georgann & Pat's Fireside Stocking

These gorgeous stockings were knit by Georgann and Pat. Georgann's is on the left and Pat's is on the right. Notice the darling pom poms that Pat added to hers!

Tracy and My Fireside Stocking

Tracy's stocking is on the left and mine is on the right. Aren't Tracy's colors beautiful?

Georgann is holding a class to teach us how to line our stockings and we can't wait!

In other knitting news...we are down to the wire on the Great American Aran Afghan! I just finished squares 18 & 19. One to go - whoo hoo!

This first square is actually from the Great American Afghan Book and was designed by Kathy Zimmerman.

Zimmerman Square

This second square is one I put together. The center is blank because we are going to have our initials and the year embroidered in it. Afterall, all artists sign their work, don't they?

Initial square

Next up on the knitting agenda are the adorable Postwar Mittens by Mary Ann Stephens. I'm having a class on these mittens - check out my full class schedule here.

This pattern is from Twist Collective, a new online knitting magazine. If you haven't seen it yet, be sure to go there - Kate Gilbert is the mastermind behind it and it features designs by true knitting rock stars. I want to make everything in this issue!

Miss Cory has started Silvi from this issue, a spectacular knitted coat with a hood. She hasn't been this excited in her entire knitting career! If you've been here on a Saturday, you already know about this project because she can't stop talking about it. The charts (holy charts, baby) have her a bit freaked out, but she's going to go for it anyway. You go, Missy!