Knitters Unite!
Since Obama's vacated Senate seat is up for sale, I am using this Knitting Blog to shamelessly request contributions to buy said Senate seat for one of our own.
Mr. Blagojevich hasn't responded to my request for a rock bottom, fire sale, time is of the essence price, so I'm going with the $500,000 number that's been bandied around for the last several days. Beginning last week, I raised about $45,425.32. That means we only have $454,574.68 to go. (Hey, stingy knitter! I know who you are, $5.32 indeed!)
So, who is the candidate, um, appointee, um, buyer?
Well shoot, you know how dicey politics are! I can't reveal her real name. I can tell you; however, she is an attorney who specialized in Constitutional law. She worked in state government and like so many other principled attorneys; she decided to leave the law when the Bush administration made the Constitution moot.
Her career then took an interesting twist when she became the Managing Editor for one of the Nation’s premier erotic romance publishing houses. She's brilliant, has unrivaled integrity, and best of all, is one of the best knitters I know (even though she can’t leave a pattern alone).
Did you hear me?
I just said that she is the Managing Editor for an erotic romance publishing house. While I can’t refute the theory our appointee put forth that all of Illinois’ current corruption woes can be blamed on Alaska, aren’t you sick and tired of Illinois politicians trying to outdo other states' corruption scandals? Why shouldn’t we emulate Detroit, New York, Florida, and Idaho where sex is King? Smut for Everyone is our designee’s platform and best of all, the smut is fiction!
While other states’ sex scandals have wrecked relationships, tarnished careers, and traumatized children; our platform, Smut for Everyone, may actually improve relationships, sharpen career aspirations and make children more cherished. Read more erotic romance! Down with corruption! Up with Smut for Everyone!
Remember the old saying, "Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop"? As if you needed more convincing, what Knitter has idle hands? Wouldn’t it be grand if more Illini, dare I say, more Americans were Knitters?
We Knitters are determined perfectionists who are always willing to admit our mistakes. Who among Us hasn’t ripped 10 inches to correct a mistake as soon as we saw it was there? Who among Us hasn’t realized some way into a project that our illusions of grandeur were over the top and the sweater we’re knitting isn’t going to fit? We don’t backpedal, we don’t hold a press conference to defend our flawed position, no, we RIP! If you knit, you rip and if you rip, you are humble enough to try again. Isn’t being able to accurately gauge how big (or small) an issue (or value) is an attribute we want in a Senator?
I’d say now, Vote for the Knitter’s Candidate, but this is a solicitation for money to buy Illinois’ second Senate seat from Mr. Blagojevich. We’ll come up with the money, Sir, I just hope you still have the power to give it to us.
Please act fast and act generously. All denominations of Monopoly money are graciously accepted.
Oh, and so far in our solicitation, we’ve had only one pay for play request. I’m sorry, Missy, but this is a clean, squeaky clean bribe; our briber will not, I repeat, will not, work to eliminate the sales tax on chocolate!
Mr. Blagojevich hasn't responded to my request for a rock bottom, fire sale, time is of the essence price, so I'm going with the $500,000 number that's been bandied around for the last several days. Beginning last week, I raised about $45,425.32. That means we only have $454,574.68 to go. (Hey, stingy knitter! I know who you are, $5.32 indeed!)
So, who is the candidate, um, appointee, um, buyer?
Well shoot, you know how dicey politics are! I can't reveal her real name. I can tell you; however, she is an attorney who specialized in Constitutional law. She worked in state government and like so many other principled attorneys; she decided to leave the law when the Bush administration made the Constitution moot.
Her career then took an interesting twist when she became the Managing Editor for one of the Nation’s premier erotic romance publishing houses. She's brilliant, has unrivaled integrity, and best of all, is one of the best knitters I know (even though she can’t leave a pattern alone).
Did you hear me?
I just said that she is the Managing Editor for an erotic romance publishing house. While I can’t refute the theory our appointee put forth that all of Illinois’ current corruption woes can be blamed on Alaska, aren’t you sick and tired of Illinois politicians trying to outdo other states' corruption scandals? Why shouldn’t we emulate Detroit, New York, Florida, and Idaho where sex is King? Smut for Everyone is our designee’s platform and best of all, the smut is fiction!
While other states’ sex scandals have wrecked relationships, tarnished careers, and traumatized children; our platform, Smut for Everyone, may actually improve relationships, sharpen career aspirations and make children more cherished. Read more erotic romance! Down with corruption! Up with Smut for Everyone!
Remember the old saying, "Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop"? As if you needed more convincing, what Knitter has idle hands? Wouldn’t it be grand if more Illini, dare I say, more Americans were Knitters?
We Knitters are determined perfectionists who are always willing to admit our mistakes. Who among Us hasn’t ripped 10 inches to correct a mistake as soon as we saw it was there? Who among Us hasn’t realized some way into a project that our illusions of grandeur were over the top and the sweater we’re knitting isn’t going to fit? We don’t backpedal, we don’t hold a press conference to defend our flawed position, no, we RIP! If you knit, you rip and if you rip, you are humble enough to try again. Isn’t being able to accurately gauge how big (or small) an issue (or value) is an attribute we want in a Senator?
I’d say now, Vote for the Knitter’s Candidate, but this is a solicitation for money to buy Illinois’ second Senate seat from Mr. Blagojevich. We’ll come up with the money, Sir, I just hope you still have the power to give it to us.
Please act fast and act generously. All denominations of Monopoly money are graciously accepted.
Oh, and so far in our solicitation, we’ve had only one pay for play request. I’m sorry, Missy, but this is a clean, squeaky clean bribe; our briber will not, I repeat, will not, work to eliminate the sales tax on chocolate!
posted by Tricia | 5:44 PM
2 Comments:
*giggle*snort*giggle*
You are so awesome.
I think I have 50 Grand laying around here somewhere...ah to have a Knitter finally in office.
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