Nana's Knitting Shop

Knitting tales of a lifelong knitter
and yarn shop owner.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

A Grimm Tale

Once upon a time on the Southwest side of that toddlin' town, Chicago, lived an Engineer/Prince. He had a cozy castle, a profession he loved and an adoring, competent, hard-working, and talented Princess Bride/Scullery Maid/Knitter.

His four darling grandchildren adored him and even his in-law family worshipped him. Yes, this Engineer/Prince had everything; he had it all. He had everything, everything that is, but a hand knit sweater.

He moped around the castle feeling that his charmed life was incomplete. Though his Princess Bride/Knitter had let down her golden hair once before and had been burned, she was unable to deny him anything and so she cast on.

In an effort to stay focused, she hired that nasty little taskmaster Rumpelstiltskin to sit by her side and ensure that she turned Cascade 220 into gold. Knitting and purling far into the night and on all her days off, she toiled. Measuring, knitting, purling, increasing, decreasing, sewing and blocking, the work continued at a furious pace until at last the Prince's new sweater was done.

The unveiling occurred on a cool, autumn night in the shadows of the dimly lit castle kitchen. Prince Wonderful slipped the magic sweater over his head and fondled the soft, finely woven fabric. He preened in front of the mirror marveling at the absolutely perfect fit and the wonderful way the burgundy color accentuated his silvery locks.

Satisfied and happy, he took the sweater off and gently laid it on the counter. A nanosecond later, he said, "Oh my, look at that, there's about an inch here on the back where the pattern is off. These zigs are shorter than all the rest."

The earth suddenly stood still. Dogs were silenced mid-bark, peasants froze in their tracks, and all clocks stopped ticking. Just as suddenly, the ground began to rumble, the heavens opened up and the most horrible, deafening, heart-pounding noises began. It sounded like Armegeddon.

"I'm an Engineer," Prince Smarty Pants shouted over the din, "I'm trained to find design flaws!"

Rumpelstiltskin stomped his foot so hard that it smashed through the kitchen floor and stuck in the cellar ceiling beam. "Foul!" he screamed, "I've scrutinized every stitch of this project with the zeal of a perfectionist and neither of us ever saw a mistake. I swear!"

POOF! The Engineer/Prince turned into a sniveling, slimy, wart-covered frog right before the angelic, long-suffering Princess Bride's obviously blind eyes.

"Rip it," croaked Prince Hot Stuff.

"Not on your life, Prince Eagle Eye. Frogs only wear sweaters in fairy tales and since your redemption is far, far away, you'll be a frog for a very long time. Sweater worthy, my foot."

The Princess Bride/Knitter Extraordinaire renewed her vow to only knit for herself, pinned up her golden hair and floated off to bed leaving Rumpelstiltskin stuck in the floor with Prince Know It All licking his face with his long, forked tongue.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Will those princes never learn? Rule #1 of being a good prince: "Never, but never criticize a gift from your wife". Rule # 2: Never, ever forget rule #1. Thus ends the lesson.

8:37 PM  
Anonymous bonnie said...

oh my god...
you're kidding, I hope.
Perhaps the fairy godknitter will wave her wand and fix the zigs??

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Tammi said...

I know a good divorce lawyer.

3:41 PM  
Anonymous Sarah B. said...

Um, the picture of the four darling grandchildren is adorable. I think I bought a picture frame that came with that very photo in it. Adorable.

8:12 AM  
Anonymous Denny said...

Side note here - love the story, love the blog, and the website is awesome!

10:06 PM  

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